Wednesday, August 13, 2014


Here in Ye Olde Eagantowne, an outlet mall is opening tomorrow just a stone's throw from my home. I'm not thrilled about the increased traffic on the perimeter of my sleepy neighborhood (yet it isn't the end of the world). But I believe this accurately expresses my feelings.

Lyle Lanley: I've built outlet malls from Albertville and Grand Prairie to Forest Lake and North Camden and, by gum, it put them on the map!
Well, sir, there's nothin' on earth like a genuine bona-fide true and tried hundred-store outlet mall! What'd I say?
Ned Flanders: Outlet mall!
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Patty and Selma: Outlet mall.
Lyle Lanley: That's right! Outlet mall!
Townsfolk: Outlet mall... outlet mall... outlet mall...
Miss Hoover: I hear those things are awfully loud.
Lyle Lanley: It increases your tax base with a crowd!
Apu: Is there a chance they missed a consumer trend?
Lyle Lanley: Not on your life, my Hindu friend.
Barney Gumble: What about us brain-dead slobs?
Lyle Lanley: You'll be given cushy jobs.
Grampa Simpson: Were you sent here by the devil?
Lyle Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
Chief Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can.
Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear, it's Eagan's only choice!
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
Townsfolk: Outlet mall...
Lyle Lanley: What's it called?
Townsfolk: Outlet mall...
Lyle Lanley: Once again!
Townsfolk: OUTLET MALL!
Marge: But Yankee Doodle Drive's still all cracked and broken.
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
Townsfolk: Outlet mall...
Outlet mall!
Homer: Outlet—D'oh!


Domb Bomb said...


Jeremy QA Gibbens said...

Come back to Facebook to comment on my poop jokes! POOP JOKES!

Domb Bomb said...

I do miss your fecal observations. Facebook depresses me, though...Maybe I'll rejoin Twitter?