Moblog: KARE11 Metromix launch party at The Independent

Moblog: The best part was explaining to the Ikea sales woman who asked why I was taking the photo. The conversation ended with me saying, "I'm sorry I soiled your innocence."

Moblog: "do it, the bag."

Caribou Coffee, Kenrick Avenue, Lakeville

Moblog: Ace Hardware off Cty Rd 50 in Lakeville.

Moblog: I was telling a story about boobs when we were all distracted by this Yugo. That is just how awesome a Yugo is.

Moblog: Dino's in Lakeville

Moblog: Unique in St Paul

Moblog: This is discrimination by Target against human shoppers. Total bullshit, man. Total bullshit.

Moblog: I suppose you could argue either way as to whether this breaks my self-imposed policy of no actual photos of poop. But launching this high velocity arc of stray chaff onto and under the toilet tank is just plain impressive. I am not even mad. My hat is off to you, wherever you are, sir. And kudos for including what appear to be multiple granules of various cooking spices.

Moblog: "Computing freshness. Freshness emergency. Proceed to nearest escape pod for further instructions."

Ang's bathroom will be closed for business for about a day starting this afternoon. We will temporarily remove her toilet while we tile her shit room. If you need to drop an even prime, please use the gas station down the street. There is a new restaurant downstairs, but it's a classy joint, goddammit. Save your buttery, walnut-filled dump for Applebee's or Red Lobster.

Can a motherfucker get a spotlight up in there?

Moblog: Apparently someone took the phrase 'going to take care of some 'paperwork'" a little too seriously. Or perhaps he used the clip to hold up his signed photograph of Larry Craig while he was on a seated outing to the wet firing range.

Moblog: I like to think that I have a rather active bottom myself.

I hate that varmint!

Moblog: Thanks for not reaching over and grabbing the plunger just a couple of feet away, you lazy asshole, whoever you are. At least it's all paper and no shit (I draw the line at shit photos, believe it or not). Did you just unfurl the whole roll and dump it in there like an unsupervised toddler, or did you really drop a deuce that greasy? Might be time to check up on your stall manners and eat an apple. Click the photo for more details.

Moblog: My mouth looks like an upside down vagina. Awesome.

I was taking a dump when an unidentified pooper entered the stall next to me (perhaps Ass Peanut Man?). I exited the stall to find these two toothpicks sitting next to the sink. If it were a single, lonely toothpick, I wouldn't question it much. Someone had a toothpick in their mouth, and decided they did not want to chew on it while they were expunging old records from their intestinal filing cabinet. Instead of throwing it in the trash a couple of feet away, they carelessly and slovenly left it on the sink.

But it wasn't just one toothpick -- it was two. Two toothpicks. I suppose it's possible this person was chewing on two toothpicks. The scenario that worries me, however, involves the person deciding to grab a couple of toothpicks from the lunch room to use later. On the way back to his desk, he feels a rumbling. "Oh shit! I gots to shit and shit!" He takes a detour into the men's room, carefully places his precious toothpicks on the counter, and fills the toilet with a priority delivery of bubbling cake batter. All the while, he smiles from ear to ear, secure in the knowledge that his toothpicks will be waiting for him on the wet bathroom counter when he's finished with his business. On the way out the door, without so much as running his hands through tepid water, he pops one of the toothpicks into his mouth. The other is a treasure to be saved for later. He carries it his desk, stows it in a drawer filled with used tissues and weeks-old, half-eaten Snickers bars, and thinks to himself, "Hey, I wonder why I get these Staphylococcus infections and bronchitis all the time! Oh well, think I'll finish off a Snickers bar."

Moblog: "Man there is nothing like ear fucking a jack-o-lantern."

Taken at Cracker Barrel in Madison, WI.