Comcast and the mysterious blue note

Today I came home, checked my mail, and like most days, found nothing but ads and flyers. I was throwing it all away when this blue door hanger from Comcast caught my eye, barely saving itself from being dumped in the trash can.



During recent routine maintenance work in your neighborhood our technicians detected cable television signals inadvertently coming from your home. This is typically caused by poor cable connections and/or cable wiring. This condition may also be causing reception problems on some or all of your cable channels and may cause interference to local radio frequencies.

The Federal Communications Commission requires us to monitor our network signals and repair any discrepancies.

Please call us at 651-222-3333 to set up an appointment for a technician to visit your home and make the necessary repairs as soon as possible. We offer two-hour time window appointments and On-Time Guarantee. If we are not at your scheduled appointment within the allotted time we will credit your account $20.

Thank you for being a Comcast customer.

Note the red arrow indicating I should turn it over. Alrighty.



Tech ops -
rogue carrier @
25 MHZ.
Please call 755 2389
when removing(???) pad
Thx

Uhhh... yeah, Comcast tech. What the fuck is that? Is that for me? Am I supposed to remove a pad, insert a tampon? Keep this note to give to the tech who shows up to make the repair? Tell the support rep on the phone? A little context and direction would be nice. Thx

So being a law-abiding citizen wanting to keep in compliance with FCC regulations (or rather a guy whose curiosity as been irreversibly piqued), I called Comcast, waded through their menu system, and waited on hold for a few moments before I was patched through to a rep. I explained the note to her, and she said outright that she'd never heard of anything like that. "I'm going to have to look into that." Followed by several minutes of alternating silence and keyboard clacking. I was about to ask if she'd found anything when I was unceremoniously dumped on hold without any announcement. That was all I needed. Fuck this. End of call.

Comcast, you leave a note in my mailbox (keep in mind that putting unstamped material in a mailbox is illegal), asking me to call you to set up an appointment to fix an issue you detected. An appointment where I'll have to sit around my fucking house for who knows how long waiting for the truck to show up. And what if it's something with the wiring inside my house? Are you going to charge me to fix it? I dutifully call, waste several minutes listing to someone typing, and then am rudely put on hold without warning. Fuck you, Comcast. If you want to fix your shit, you call me, and I'll give you a window of time when I'm available -- 9 am to suck my dick pm.

UPDATE: At least my notice wasn't as draconian as this one.

UPDATE #2: Wednesday -- I'm not terribly surprised, as Comcast has a reputation for monitoring Twitter and blog activity for mentions of their name, but believe it or not, they did call me to schedule that repair appointment. And based on the apologetic tone of the call and specific details of my concerns mentioned by the rep, they read this blog post specifically. Color me equally impressed and creeped out.

Gridless

If you're a regular reader, given my drastic drop in posting volume the last few months, you're a member of a likely dwindling population. I've apologized for this before, so there will be no more of that. I'm currently racing to get my house ready to put on the market by the end of May, so expect an even stingier trickle of mediocre posts sent from my cell phone, pulled out of my ass, or both. I won't be off the grid so much as hovering near it, crying and wetting myself. If you are a glutton for my foolishness, I still post to Twitter on a near-daily basis. Odds are good I tweeted with a hammer in one hand and my dick in the other. Not that there is much of a distinction between the two.

Kitchen island

It took four people (Rich, Jen, Ranty, and myself) to lift the granite onto the island cabinet. And yes, there is additional support under the portion hanging over the back.

The cooktop and downdraft fan will go in sometime this week.

Somebody really loves sour cream

Mmmmm... This sour cream is fucking delicious. Oh crap. I better get going or I will miss the bus and be late for work again. But I am enjoying this sour cream far too much to walk away from it. Hey! I can bring it with and continue to eat on the way to the bus stop... Ok that is the last of the sour cream. I really don't want to bring this on the bus so I think I'll just set it and the spoon right here in front of the empty business next door to The Strip Club.

Shop on for some reason space line

Home Depot, Burnsville

Can I get some boats to go with those hos?

Lakeville Wendy's

The shit that is fucking delicious

Good evening, sir. Welcome to Dairy Queen. May I interest you in a Blizzard or perhaps a Flamethrower burger? Maybe you're feeling a bit saucy and will have both. If I may be so bold, I would suggest eating the burger first and eating the Blizzard last. Afterward I would highly recommend shoving a lump of activated charcoal in your pooper, climbing into a Hefty bag up to your belly button, and duct taping yourself in. Be sure to push out all of the air first because you'll be filling that puppy up with legally binding chick-fil-ass before your long red plastic spoon hits the bottom of the trash can. Now, kind sir, bounce along home in your hubristically-induced isolation bubble. Bounce, bounce. Watch out for the sharp rocks and snapping turtles. God bless you and your gassy pants bag.

Kitchen wall project finished at last

This one took me far longer than I thought it would (1. What project hasn't, and 2. I did abandon this one for a few months), but here it is, finished as of a few minutes ago.

View from the dining room before:


View from the dining room after:


View from the kitchen before:


View from the kitchen after: