Sometimes I run across code that former employees or contractors left behind years ago and realize why they are former employees or contractors. Sometimes I'm pissed off enough to leave a comment on their shit-brained logic in the software's source code for all those to follow (proprietary information blanked out).

"Alright, this friggin ------ vs ----- code crap is all over the place like a water weenie covered in baby oil. Screw this. I'm not spending another minute deciphering this Escher painting. I'm querying right up front whether or not this is a damn ----- or ----- and superceding the convoluted three-ring circus happening below. Signing off, Angry Jeremy is angry."

I later explained my solution in an email to my boss:

"...It's tiptoeing through the donkey crap with sandwich bags on your feet instead of cleaning up the crap, but your mom is buried in the crap and you might stab her with the shovel if you try to clean it. Worst analogy ever."