Jeremy's Road Journal (with loads of penises!)

Max had the fantastic idea of buying small notebooks for all of us to entertain ourselves during the 5 hour drive to Nebraska. We played mad libs, wrote dirty haikus and limericks, and drew twisted pictures. During one gas station stop, I upped the ante by purchasing crayons.

My road journal and activity book is eco-friendly. My ass, unfortunately, spews out enough CO₂ on a daily basis to destroy 100 acres of rainforest.


A haiku:
Omaha d-bags
crammed in a black car
I wish I had flown

Followed by a chinless man car surfing on a giant spooge-spewing dick and ball sack tied to the roof of a Caprice station wagon with faux wood paneling, which is running over a hobo and overtaking a brain-damaged railroad engineer on unicycle. The symbolism needs no explanation whatsoever.


POP TARTS. More like pop farts. Oh, I am so clever!


This drawing of a spooged-on chick sitting in a corner with a cloth that has been unceremoniously whipped onto her face from out-of-frame by a pantsless cad inspired a limerick.

There once was a young woman in the corner
Who had to decide between porn or
A job at the Y
But that chafed her thighs
So what the fuck did she choose porn for?


Next we decided to do a Superbad-style collection of drawings of anthropomorphized penises.

"A Trip to the Zoo"

A family of penises, including a dad, son, and little baby penis in a stroller, gaze curiously at a caged, hairy reticulated penis. The older son has several balloons, while the baby penis only has one. He's so tiny that three balloons would most certainly carry him away!



"Baby's First Bottle"

A mother penis tenderly looks over her baby penis, who has just spit up on her testicle shoulder after his first bottle.


The limerick at the bottom of "Baby's First Bottle" was inspired by passing a pasta plant near the freeway:
There once was plant that smelled like a noodle
That drew my attention from my penis doodle
I bought a bottle of sauce
Gave my doodle a toss
Then drifted off to sleep, good night, toodles

This bib overall-wearing farmer penis is smacking his cow on the tail for some reason.
There once was a giant cock at the zoo
As well as a cow that said moo
But the cock was an ass
And the cow was aghast
But if a cock slapped your tail you'd be too


CHECK IT!!!


Bronto poop.


These guys are happy to provide a reference of scale. "Just standin' by some bronto poop. Pleased to make your acquaintance."