Hey, can someone please enchant my boots of escaping? They seem to have run out of magic. Preferably this would be done by someone with some professional sorcery experience, but I'll settle for an apprentice or a moonlighting alchemist. Please, no druids or paladins though. Stick to your tree bark and flowing robes, guys. You obviously were not meant for magic. Last time one of you assfucks tried to drop a hot spell on my shit, it turns out you read it in a copy of Better Homes and Gardens and it turned my dick into a Walt Whitman style leaf of grass. And what the fuck are LEAVES of grass anyway? They're BLADES of grass, you silly transcendentalist twit!
Anyway, back to my boots. Do you like them? I think the buckles on the front and the little feathery wings coming out the heel are pretty sharp. I bought them at a buy-one-get-one-half-price sale at Foot Locker. The other pair of shoes I bought were sandals of loitering.
6 comments (leave yours):
Druids are spell casters, Sir Whinesalot.
But you don't need anyone to cast a spell. You can get any skilled jeweler to imbue your boots with the right gem. GOSH! You're SO DUMB!
I realize that, Ang, but they are shitty. All poking animals and stones with sticks all the time. Cloaked motherfuckers. You are dumber than I am. And I am NOT wearing bejeweled boots. Bedazzled maybe, but not bejeweled.
You don't get JEWELS on your boots, you get your boots imbued with the power that the jewels have! Man, do I need to explain everything?
That's it, I'm picking up EQ and all the expansion packs on my way home.
Aw, shit! You think I'm going to let some crusty-bearded cake snacker imbue all over my brand new, shiny boots?!?
Obviously neither of you listened to enough Black Sabbath in your youth, so it may come as a surprise to you that only "Fairies Wear Boots".
But they're for escaping.
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