One particularly vivid olfactory memory I have of childhood is waking up each school day to the heavy smell of my dad's shit and cigarette smoke. The bathroom he used to get ready in the morning was across the hall from my bedroom. There, he situated himself on the toilet, puffing away on a Winston and uncoiled a smoky grump without shame, door wide open.
For as many striking similarities as I find between my late dad and me in my adult life, we clearly have never seen eye to eye on the issue of openly pooping. Sure, I talk freely and gleefully about pooping, but I want solitude when I'm milling mahogany. Unless I'm in the house by myself, even if it's just Ang and me, I close the door. We pee around each other (in the toilet while in the presence of each other, not like in a circle on the floor while the other sits there Indian style), but pooping is a different animal entirely. Pooping is a time for quiet contemplation and sometimes for struggling with your inner demons in physical, gaseous, and spiritual forms. That's Jeremy time.
Dad did eventually quit smoking, so the smoke disappeared from my mornings when I was in junior high. Eventually the shit smell was gone, too. What I wouldn't give to smell them both again.
11 comments (leave yours):
That is a bitter sweet post. Thumbs up, hands down.
Danke. I struggled with whether to make the last part dirtier, but I decided to go with what came naturally. Pooping and emotion.
I need - no, I DEMAND - privacy when I'm dropping a Toledo Hot Roll. I'm more than happy to stink-up the air and leave racing stripes in the bowl, but when perfection like that demands my full concentration.
i consider pooping to be spiritual and elightening and therefore, feel it should be done in private.
here is a question for you...have you ever used the bathroom after a girl and noticed it smelled? i know girls poop but i never really thought they could stink up a bathroom. i thought that sort of thing was for guys only.
oh, and why the fuck do girls like to turn on the water when they are pooping? why be embarrassed if you are making loud noises?!?!?
Poop is a very private, personal thing. I don't poop when others are watching. I wait until they're are asleep, although sometimes the smell, or the feel of feces striking their face, wakes them up.
Carl, I make damn sure there's a solid mass of odor in the air when I leave that bathroom. Otherwise, how can I say job well done?
And running water? No. I like to carry on conversations with Jeremy while he's in the other room. I yell loudly. It's not annoying at all.
I'm tearing up at this foggy shitty memory.....
The King
I poop in private, but masturbate in public.
Jeff, when I'm squeezing out a Vancouver Handshake, I prefer not to streak things up too much. But you do what you gotta do. Sometimes it's unavoidable. Plus I just wanted to say "Vancouver Handshake."
Carl, I've never known chicks' shits to be any stinkier than guys. Although a lot of women I know would contend that womens restrooms tend to be dirtier and more disgusting than mens rooms. They don't work where I do though.
Max, do you draw on their face by swiveling your hips before it's all the way out?
Ang, I wish you would stop insisting that I follow you into the restroom, even in public places.
King, it's because of the onions and curry I ate.
Butchie, that's the way to do it. When I smear a log on a bathroom floor, I want to get away scot free. But if I arc a stream of wang chung onto a park bench, I want everyone to know who did it. ME!
"arc a stream of wang chung"... someone add this to the urban dictionary as synonym of ejaculate. Or is it there already? let me check.
Caroline, I thought that one was pretty inspired myself. I'm pretty sure it's a Jeremy original.
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