Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Why Alex Chui is my new hero (Sorry, Ed)
This afternoon I stumbled upon this diamond in the internet rough. At first, it was totally obvious this guy didn't even have a deck of cards to be short a couple, but after reading it over and over again, his true mission became clear.
Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts:
More advanced than Star Trek technology! - While the show had some influence on ideas and the direction technology should go, it's still important to point out that most of the technology on the show was, um, not real.
Alex Chiu knows what causes you to age and hereby discovered a great solution to stop you from aging. - But as far as I can tell they have left out Alex's age and if he's been using his own product. But the testimonials are fantastic.
You will one day reach PHYSICAL PERFECTION!! It is strong enough to change the shape of your facial bones. - So they can change the shape of your actual bones but do they have guidelines? How do they know what to change my bones to? (heh bones)
It doesn't matter what handicap you have. This stuff burns through everything! - HOLY SHIT. THAT IS NOT A HANDICAP THAT IS MY LIVER. I guess some could argue the liver handicaps your ability to drink as much as you'd like.
Gorgeouspil is the only savior of Earth - Well, why didn't you just say so in the beginning instead of starting out with all those CRAZY things?
The biggest enemy of mother nature is human. We humans reached the top of the food chain and kept multiplying until no end. Stopping humans from multiphying is the only feasible way of saving mother nature. - So, humans are the biggest enemy to mother nature but instead of allowing us to kill ourselves off (because you know we're headed that way) you suggest we all live forever. We should consult with mother nature first.
Then, you get the bottom of the page. This is where you realize what his true mission in life is, and I back him 100%. (it's kind of long, but oh so totally worth it)
And Gorgeouspil can stop humans from multiplying! So spreading the usage of Gorgeouspil can save the environment. Here's why:
[here he explains in crazy talk that souls can't live in old bodies and need new ones to go on...]
So people who take Gorgeouspil don't want kids. A person who takes Gorgeouspil likes to concentrate his soul within his own body and does not wish to scatter his soul on to other bodies. So making babies is not desirable for people who take Gorgeouspil. Gorgeouspil allows a person to achieve unlimited beauty and unlimited youth. Meanwhile, it stops humans from unnecessary reproductions of more human beings.
Help bring this new technology to light. For the sake of mother nature, for the sake of millions of innocent animals, for the sake of your own future. Don't blindly let the unnecessary reproductions of more human beings ruin our home. Spread the word about Gorgeouspil.
As an immortal you have a duty to protect our planet. Let the spreading of words be your first mission.
DING DING DING! This shit makes you sterile or barren! He is doing the world a great service! If you're stupid enough to believe magnetic rings on your fingers and toes can make you immortal, at least you won't be reproducing any time soon.
Sterilizing the stupid. Thank you, Alex Chui.
Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts:
More advanced than Star Trek technology! - While the show had some influence on ideas and the direction technology should go, it's still important to point out that most of the technology on the show was, um, not real.
Alex Chiu knows what causes you to age and hereby discovered a great solution to stop you from aging. - But as far as I can tell they have left out Alex's age and if he's been using his own product. But the testimonials are fantastic.
You will one day reach PHYSICAL PERFECTION!! It is strong enough to change the shape of your facial bones. - So they can change the shape of your actual bones but do they have guidelines? How do they know what to change my bones to? (heh bones)
It doesn't matter what handicap you have. This stuff burns through everything! - HOLY SHIT. THAT IS NOT A HANDICAP THAT IS MY LIVER. I guess some could argue the liver handicaps your ability to drink as much as you'd like.
Gorgeouspil is the only savior of Earth - Well, why didn't you just say so in the beginning instead of starting out with all those CRAZY things?
The biggest enemy of mother nature is human. We humans reached the top of the food chain and kept multiplying until no end. Stopping humans from multiphying is the only feasible way of saving mother nature. - So, humans are the biggest enemy to mother nature but instead of allowing us to kill ourselves off (because you know we're headed that way) you suggest we all live forever. We should consult with mother nature first.
Then, you get the bottom of the page. This is where you realize what his true mission in life is, and I back him 100%. (it's kind of long, but oh so totally worth it)
And Gorgeouspil can stop humans from multiplying! So spreading the usage of Gorgeouspil can save the environment. Here's why:
[here he explains in crazy talk that souls can't live in old bodies and need new ones to go on...]
So people who take Gorgeouspil don't want kids. A person who takes Gorgeouspil likes to concentrate his soul within his own body and does not wish to scatter his soul on to other bodies. So making babies is not desirable for people who take Gorgeouspil. Gorgeouspil allows a person to achieve unlimited beauty and unlimited youth. Meanwhile, it stops humans from unnecessary reproductions of more human beings.
Help bring this new technology to light. For the sake of mother nature, for the sake of millions of innocent animals, for the sake of your own future. Don't blindly let the unnecessary reproductions of more human beings ruin our home. Spread the word about Gorgeouspil.
As an immortal you have a duty to protect our planet. Let the spreading of words be your first mission.
DING DING DING! This shit makes you sterile or barren! He is doing the world a great service! If you're stupid enough to believe magnetic rings on your fingers and toes can make you immortal, at least you won't be reproducing any time soon.
Sterilizing the stupid. Thank you, Alex Chui.
Sweet!!! We both posted while I was pooping!
I love the testimonials page.
"Alex Chiu's comment: Smaller nose, more romantic eyes, and more symmetrical head."
Personally I want more romantic head.
Sterilizing the stupid. Thank you Alex Chui.
It needs to be done. If this guy has actually found a way to do it, I'm all for it. In fact, I'd like to buy a case of this shit and start sprinkling it into people's food.
Jeremy, I can't make it more romantic that blowing you during an episode of Monk.
Jen, seriously! I would give these things out as "jewelry" gifts if it was proven to make people sterile.
I don't know...I think there are enough vapid pretty people in the world.
But sterilizing the stupid sounds like a great political platform to run on. I'd vote for that one.
I used it and it burned right through my ugly.
Alex Chiu is a flippin genius. I like his photo, it makes him look proud and angry (like me). I also like the photo of Nikola Tesla. He has an amazing shoulder.