Monday, January 28, 2008

Beatdown APB

Ang may or may not opt to recount the full tale herself, but some motherfucker tried to break into her building today through the front door while she was home. Broad fucking daylight near the intersection of two busy streets. Thankfully, one of the guys at The Strip Club, the restaurant nearby, saw the whole thing go down (he couldn't see for sure that the guy was trying to break in from his vantage point, but thought it was suspicious) and was able to provide a good description to the cops.

I don't have the whole description, but if you saw someone matching this description acting suspiciously near the corner of Maria Ave and 6th St in St Paul around 11 or 11:30 am, please contact the St Paul Police Department.

Black male, about 17-20. Grey hoodie with red stripes on the arms. Brown pants.

Please -- I always strongly discourage racial profiling (let us not draw broad and unfair conclusions because of one bad apple), but I encourage fashion profiling. Anyone wearing brown pants deserves a cinder block rubdown (in fact, let's include khaki pants in there just to be safe). It's ok. You have my permission. I'm authorized.

8 comments (leave yours):

Max "Bunny" Sparber said...

I'm wearing brown pants! Go after the guys in hoodies!

Jeremy said...

Max, stay right there. It's ok. Remain calm. *grabs a cinder block and his car keys*

Kristen said...

Why break into a locked building with more locked condo doors inside? Moron.
I love the east side for a number of reasons, but I'm tempted to get a taser and par-boil the genitals of any stupid criminals. No reason for them to reproduce.

Kevin from Minneapolis said...

Crime is frustrating. When some jackass broke into my locker a few weeks ago, I spat nails and would totally put him in the hopsital if I find out who took all my cash.

And this guy, too.

Carl Spackler said...

i wore a smashing pair of light brown slacks today. they are darker then khaki's but lighter then brown. i'm not sure what color that is but i love them. i bought them at a Perry Ellis outlet store.

anyway, i'm glad Ang is ok. i hope the put that bastard in jail and he gets ass raped.

muscleyarm said...

Scary! But seriously, I go to school over there and I don't own brown pants, so please don't throw the cops in my direction.

Ang said...

muscleyarm, I'll give you two dollars and 19 cents to stand security detail outside my door until further notice.

muscleyarm said...

Ang,
You've got yourself a deal!