Senator Larry Craig, Republican Senator from the state of Idaho, has issued a much-anticipated report on the use of performance enhancing drugs in the gay male porn industry. Said Craig of the scandal, "I was outraged at what I found during my excruciatingly detailed and comprehensive investigation into the activities of actors in homosexual pornographic films -- but I'm not gay. Countless young, greased up little oven mits take steroids to enhance their rippling, perfectly proportioned, beefcake physiques -- I've never been gay. Hoards of painfully attractive young men even take sexual performance drugs like Viagra and Cialis for extra stamina and a firmer, more throbbing erection, which they use to pound tightly puckered lube holes between pairs of rock hard, tanned, waxed buttocks again and again until they pull out and spray hot, sticky ejaculate all over writhing masses of rippling abs, chiseled jaws, and pouty lips such that it runs down their hardened profiles and pools in their navels and between their pectoral muscles -- but I'm not gay. I am outraged at this behavior and will review these films and visit film sets daily until I get to the bottom of this conspiracy -- for sure I am not fond of penis. In the meantime, I recommend that the executives of the studios shooting these films send me everyone listed in my report so that I may personally punish them in my plushly appointed den. Not gay -- Craig out!" Craig then proved his convictions by taste testing several of the aforementioned drug-tainted erections, wiping his mouth, and shotgunning a Tab soda.