Friday, May 18, 2007
Mystifying Ethel
Filed under:
annoyances
The only time murder ever makes sense is when some old lady leaves her cart in the middle of the aisle at SuperTarget and wanders over to the next aisle without it, forcing you to stop, move her fucking cart out of the way, roll your cart past, then turn around to find her and force the entire contents of a 3 pound bag of store brand Honey Smacks down her throat until she aspirates puffed wheat particulate, collapses, and suffocates. As you secret her body behind the astonishingly dusty cans of organic Wolfgang Puck brand soup, you realize you've just done God's work. Next move: snap the neck of the people who designed the user interfaces for pretty much any touch screen credit card terminal in stores today. Just automatically detect that it's fucking credit card and not a debit card, you piece of shit! Sure, I know I need to press my succulent digit to the little circle labeled "Credit Card" now, but the 5 senior citizens ahead of me each held up the line because your jazzed up machine could just as well be the weapons panel of a Klingon bird of prey. And now you forced a Star Trek reference out of me. A god damn Star Trek reference. Next thing you know I'll be busting out the Wrath of Khan references, and so help me -- ooh, you tricked me. You sly granny-confusing bastards! Consider your necks double snapped!
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13 comments (leave yours):
If you really wanted vengeance, you'd send them to a poorly rated nursing home.
No, I like hands on revenge. Beatings, neck snappings, karate chops to the kidneys, etc.
I don't like old people either. I watched an old woman count all the payphones at a reat area in Arizona once. She stood outside the bathroom, and told everyone from her tour group that came out, "there's ten phones here!"
Fucking old lady!
Don't get me wrong. Some old folks are cool. Namely the ones who are afraid to drive or leave the house anymore. The ones who are painfully out of touch with society and modern vernacular slay me.
Old white lady at Carl's Junior: "Did you know Martin Luther King was a NEEEEGROHHHHHH?"
CJ worker: "Uhhh... yeah. I guess. Is that for here or to go?"
hahahaa
I blame Minnesota. Or at least, I blame the merchants for not insisting the terminals be standardized to reflect that in Minnesota, "Debit" may as well be "Credit" and no one cares.
In NY and VT, where I was last year, you could get cash back from nearly anyplace you use your check-card. The first time I was asked "Credit or debit?" I reflexively said "credit" because I had been brainwashed to expect less.
But then I caught on that I could get decent beer (at the grocery store!), powdered donuts, and those extra-big condoms I like, plus a pocketful of cash money, all in one stop.
It's like that in Chicago too. I love Mpls, but damn. The technology is only half to blame in this case, methinks.
Wrath of Khan... place giant, weird-ass beatles in their ears next time.
--Mugwump Jism. That's where its at.
W of K vengeance would be placing a large, creepy beetle type creature in their ears which turns them to the dark side. Or makes them run Fantasy Island... either way...
i agree with you kind of. i use my ATM card to buy most things but select credit instead of debit.
Febrifuge, I may very well be one of the few people left whose ATM card is not a debit card, so I guess I can see why they have to have two different options. But surely there's a way for them to automagically discern a CC from a DC (ooh, that sounds dirty!). In any case, I specifically asked my bank to NOT send me a check card because even though I wouldn't be responsible for the charges, if that card were lost or stolen and some jackoff drained my account, I would still have to fight with the nightmare of overdraft fees and with my luck, it would be as my mortgage and other bills automatically paid via EFT start going through, racking up more headaches.
Now if only Cub would let you connect those fingerprint payment terminals to your credit card instead of just to your checking account. I like to rack up credit card reward points (and debt). Speaking of which, do they even have those anymore?
Turnipgurl, as long as none of it involves Tatoo jism. Little person spooge in the ear doesn't sound appealing.
Carl, your comment and Febrifuge's bring up something I missed. One reason they probably don't just autodetect that it's a credit card is the fact that some people actually want to use their check card as a debit card so they can get cash back or have a hard on for pushing buttons and entering their PIN. So Mr/Ms self-service payment terminal designer, a more sensible question would be, "If this is a check card, would you like cash back from this purchase?"
haha i knew it..butchie hangs out at rest areas.. FAG!..oh, and Hi!,Jeremy..funny post.
oh..is that like how in Canada debit cards are issued with any bank account,(not attached to a VISA or other petty charge sucking scumbag cockblocking corp) just your average chequing or savings account..then..using your personal ident number (PIN) this allows you access to any funds in said account to pay at any and every vendor in canada...also of course allowing a cash back option...provided that the funds are available..keeping everyone honest and above the table...and nobody has to carry actual cash...therefore much safer...is it something like that?...that has been available across Canada for ohh.... 15 YEARS!?? huh. neato.
Canadian supremacist, I find your country to be delightful, but nowhere in my post did I so much as imply that the ATM and debit cards I was talking about were new. I still prefer cash. Also, I've visited Canada many times, but have yet to poop there.
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