Apparently I have attained a reputation amongst my fellow IT coworkers as being able to make any phrase sound dirty through inflection or the addition of unusual context. Today at lunch, one coworker was trying to remember a poorly received joke he had made the day before.
Coworker #1: "God dammit, that's going to bug me all day. I can't remember what I said."
Coworker #2: "I can't remember either. All I know is that it was some sort of shitty homonym."
Coworker #3: "Shitty homonym? That sounds like something Jeremy could turn dirty."
Coworker #2: "You're right. Say it, Jeremy. Make it dirty."
Me: (growling) "I'm gonna bust a shitty homonym in this chick's face!"
Coworker #2: "No, no, no! Just say it."
Me: (slowing my cadence and lowering my voice) "Shiiitty HOMOnym!"
Coworker #2: "That's better."
All: [affirming nods]
Today was my one year anniversary with the company. This past year has flown by in a flash, due in no small part to actually enjoying my work and my coworkers. Sure there are frustrations, tight deadlines, and periodic pains in the ass to deal with, but that's called having a job and working for a living. I feel supremely fortunate to have found this gig. I suppose being so pumped up about it at the moment was helped by the fact that I had my performance review today, and my boss was full of praise. The jist: solid code, crazy solid documentation, and people seem to enjoy working with me. God damn straight. Critiques: I get too wordy in my emails sometimes, and I need to learn to walk away from a project when I run into "writer's block" and cool down. I tend take projects personally. God damn straight there, too. I also got bump in pay. It won't have me living in a penthouse downtown, but it tickled my checkbook in a good way. And no, I'm not buying you a Prius. You haven't even finished the first one I gave you.
8 comments (leave yours):
Will you buy me Debbie Does Dallas: The Next Generation? I've had my, um, eye on it for a while...
Alie, are people all frizzy pubic fro in that one, too? I dunno. Maybe I'll buy you Assgasm 52: The Browning first.
Huh, I guess I've heard what you sound like while passing a soup can through your urethra, but I have no idea what your speaking voice is like. You'll have to post an audio class. "How to Make Anything Sound Dirty" with your host... Jeremy.
Kristen, I've done several audio posts. Usually I'm doing a character, but there are a couple where I'm using my regular speaking voice. Usually I'm making things dirty in them though. Unnggghhhhh! DIRRRRTYYYYYY!!
So THAAAAT'S what you sound like. Yeah, dirty.
Congrats on the raise and the praise! Sounds like you're thinking about things in the right way, too... ie, sporting some gratitude.
I hope that didn't sound like something someone's mother would say...
Kristen, Ughnnnn.... so dirty. I had a few more good ones today, including perverting the word Oreo. There was even a disgusting hand action that ostensibly mimicked the action of licking cream from the cookie (and there is another one right fucking there!).
Elizabeth, I think it means you're pregnant. But thanks. And congrats on the bundle of joy. Have you told your b/f yet? (this is how rumors get started *grin*)
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