Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Wack

God dammit, I'm tired of being sick. I've felt like shit in one form or another for the literally entire month of April. A cold, a shit spewing stomach bug, and ANOTHER FUCKING COLD??? This one seemed to come on last Tuesday. It's a deep, hacking cough, and I hork up thick, yellow phlegm. Mmm. Come and get me, ladies!

Sometimes I cough so hard that I nearly pass out. For real. I wake up in the morning feeling like I smoked a pack of Luckys and some pole. My sinuses are horribly congested, and I have a headache probably from both the congestion, and the nonstop rattling of my bobbing, hacking head. Somebody make this shit stop! If I'm not feeling better in the morning, I'm going to the doctor. Better yet -- Lesley, heal me with your activated charcoal Yanni energy!!!

15 comments (leave yours):

s4xton said...

I've had that shit since last Thursday night. I was almost totally out of it on Sunday, but I still have it lingering. Pain in the ass, dude.

And you're a pole smoker.

Hedy De Vine said...

Are you really sick? I thought maybe you were jsut blowing me off.

Aliecat said...

Maybe you have a sinus infection?

Jeremy said...

S4xton, I keep avoiding pole as a matter of my staunch heterosexuality, but perhaps the pole is the magical cure. But I'll try Yanni magic first. Which is kind of the same thing.

Hedy, yep, I was for serious last night. I was not feeling well and was hacking up a lung. Mary came over to tape off a show I'd Tivo'd her cousin and marched my ass to the CVS to pick up industrial strength cough syrup and Sudafed. I'm still hacking today, but feel better. But if things don't improve much by the end of the day, I'm making that doctor appointment.

Alie, I thought of that. But does a sinus infection cause all that coughing? Or it could be a cold AND a sinus infection. Maybe I have rabies or Bryant Gumbel disease.

s4xton said...

I hope you get better. Too bad I sold all my Yanni albums when I was in High School. Do you remember when Yanni was a guest on WCCO news? That was really a weird moment for me. Then I was cured of pole smoking.

buhcat said...

unrelated ..kinda..but not, but ok, whatever ..here's my point...i kind of feel bad for non-homosexual men with oral fixations....seriously...ive been known to ask my bf if they were ready for another bj (and yes, i DO have a healthy self esteem and they are are usually ALREADY committed to me so its not a "gag", no pun intended, to get them to like me) or whatever, im a girl who likes the feeling of manmeat in my mouth...but what about guys with the same "condition"? or is that what makes them gay? ...no, still wearing pink and drinking with pinkies up is, you're right.

Jeremy said...

I don't want anything my mouth longer than it is wide. I have to cut up carrots and bananas before I eat them because they make me uncomfortable. I enjoy diving on the 'tang, though. None has presented itself for a while.

Aliecat said...

Coughing is caused by mucous draining into your throat as well as chest congestion, so you could have both. You could also have pneumonia...

Kristen said...

I know getting to the doc is a pain in the butt, but it sounds like you should go. Sinus infection, and probably something along with it. Pneumonia or bronchitis, maybe? I hope you feel better. And the thing with carrots and bananas? That's weird. How about baby carrots with veggie dip? Longer than wide + creamy white stuff at the end? Do you have to cut them up? Are you sqeamish right now? ;)

Jeremy said...

S4xton, I don't remember that! Just as well. I would have gone into a catatonic mustache envy fit and knocked over a plant or something.

Alie, I'm a little better today, but my hacking is still pretty bad when a spell sets in. I'm giving it another day before the doctor to see if I'm getting progressively better or if this is a one-off good day.

Kristen, baby carrots are like baby penises, so I can't deal with that shit. Speaking of which, did you know that Old Spice is made of hickory, rose petal, and baby penises? True story.

Kristen said...

I did NOT know that. I don't like anything "rose" scented, though. It reminds me of dead grandmothers (and both of my grandmothers are still living, so I don't know where that association came from.) I don't know the scent of baby penises, but combining that with dead grandma doesn't sound too appealing. So what do you eat from the crudites platter? Broccoli? Or are the small tree shapes objectionable as well?

Rich G. said...

I'm guessing most raw veggies remind Jeremy of a traumatic experience with the Green Giant and his pal, Sprout.

karah said...

I think you can tell what the problem is by the color of the hack-funglob...?

lesley said...

My charcoal is activated and my energy is ready. Yanni will be sitting in the background. We need to give him 45 minutes advanced notice so he can set his keyboards up.

But seriously, I'm totally game for a healing session. I need to practice. Just let me know!

Jeremy said...

Kristen, I prefer my veggies cooked, but raw broccoli is not bad, contrary to Rich's recounting of a very private and traumatic event in my life. Sprout really should have been called "Spurt."

Karah, my globby snap is all yellow when I hork. Boo on that shit. Boo.

Lesley, I keep telling you YES!!! :-) For real, I'd like to try that. Email me, and we can set up a time. It's win-win. Though if it helps me get better, I will so buy you a beer or turkey pot pie or something. Rock.