I'm not a dick-in-my-hand gamer who eats, sleeps, and breathes video games, but sumbitch do I love me some Grand Theft Auto. The combination of open-ended game play, comically exaggerated violence encapsulated in realistic graphics, and challenging missions appeals to the most base of my juvenile endorphin triggers.I got an email today announcing an upcoming trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV (since III there have actually been two games, Vice City and San Andreas -- four if you count a couple PSP games). I'm sure the fuckers will announce it will come out exclusively for the PS3 or Xbox 360, and I'll have to wait an additional 6 months to a year for the PC release. And I'll wait, because I'm not spending $400 to $600+ on a game console I'll use for a few weeks at a time once or twice a year.
Hmm... when you think about it, a game console would be like my dating life. I'll probably spend $400 to $600 (over the course of a few months instead of up front, which is different -- that's prostitution) taking a woman out for drinks, meals, and other dating activities. Then I get bored with her and abandon her before moving onto another one a few months later. Ok, so in reality she gets bored with me and abandons me. I call her at home, at work, send her teddy bears, chocolates, broken Hummel figurines, hunting knives, and Bratz dolls with the eyes blacked out in Sharpie and cat blood. But she won't take me back. Then it escalates to ejaculating into the door handles on her car and pooping in the change return of the 3rd floor candy machine in a hotel she stayed in once in 1997. What's a guy gotta do to show a girl he cares about her?
P.S. Have you noticed I'm taking Hedy's advice and trying to include more photos? We'll see how long this lasts. I'm not quite as appealing of a photo subject as she is.
14 comments (leave yours):
You are wise beyond your years...
I like the pics. Keep em comin!
As to dating, I'm not commenting. I'm tired and worn out with that. I'll play video games with you though. Turn the music up!
Is that your kitchen wallpaper you were telling us about? It suits you.
As are you, Lesley.
Diz, I'll try. Maybe Hedy can bonk me on the head occasionally if I get lazy about it..
Hedy, it is indeed the wallpaper I told you about. I hate it. Aside from the wood paneling in a bedroom and the basement, it's one of the few remaining old lady throwbacks I have yet to purge from the house. You'll see it next weekend. You are coming, aren't you? Alie's the only one who replied to my email. Slackers.
I want to see pictures of yer trouser snake...ha...kidding...wait, no I'm not...umm maybe I am...
At first I thought you were laying in a child's crib, and then I realized that was wallpaper. Maybe we should draw naughty things on the chickens, that might make it cooler.
Yes I'm coming! I replied-to-all tonight. Maybe we should watch Mean Girls. I love that movie.
Mean Girls??? Ok now I'm RSVP-ing a big YES.
Alie, how about I just draw you a picture of my trouser snake? I'm going to need some 11x17" printer paper here.
Sandra, I purposely took it at kind of a weird angle. I like how it turned out. I also cropped out the bottom of my face to make it a little more surreal. I hate my wallpaper, but please don't draw on it. I don't have time to paint over it or replace it right now. :-)
Hedy, that's another possibility for the list. You can bring some of that Sesame Street Kevin McHale salad you were talking about.
Well, if we can't draw on the wallpaper, I'm drawing a dick on yer face the second you fall asleep
Why bother when you can just wipe away my concealer and foundation to reveal the dick tattoo already on my face?
What kind of foundation do you use? It does an amazing job!
I had a teacher in highschool who, according to rumor, had a swastika tattooed on her forehead. I guess some ex back in the 70s made her get it. She wore really thick long bangs to cover it up, so I never saw it.
Charles Manson has a swastika tattooed on his forehead...maybe she was one of his brainwashed cult followers. I love rumors.
Hedy, I buy it at Costco in 50 gallon drums. I think the brand is Dutch Boy. I'll bet Lesley's right about your teacher, she was probably some drugged out sex slave for Manson in the 60's. She probably killed those people but escaped to shift the blame on everyone else so she could teach at your school. And just wearing bangs to cover a tattoo like that is pretty risky. A good stiff wind or tripping over a rug could send her bangs straight into the air, exposing her horrible, horrible secret. She probably used a shit ton of LA Looks hair gel and giraffe semen to permanently bond her bangs to her skin. I'll bet she had hairy pits, too.
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