I have a Meet Me account on Hot or Not that I'll usually forget about for weeks to months at a time until I get an email saying that someone clicked "Yes" on my profile. More than 99% of the time, it's someone not remotely within my match criteria or someone just plain unattractive. I actually did go on one date a year or two ago with a girl I met on there, but it quickly became clear we were not at all compatible.

Today I received such an email, wasn't interested, and clicked No. But the profile that randomly showed up next caught my eye. Evidently some dolt didn't know how to click "Male seeking Female" when he signed up. Since I have no way to contact this poor guy to warn him that he should correct his profile, and I would hate to deprive the female masses of this big pimpin' playa, I present to you Jake. Now please be nice to him, girls. He obviously has a broken keyboard, as his caps lock is stuck, and the apostrophe key doesn't work. His son probably spilled juice on it. He likes sex, pleasure, women, having fun, and keeping it real. He also says he's funny. He has no idea.