Black Wednesday

I'm standing in line outside of Wal-Mart in Eagan. Actually I'm just standing outside of Wal-Mart and am the only one here. I needed to get a jump on Black Friday shopping. Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving where all of the stores have crazy deals to entice shoppers into lining up and biting toddlers to get good deals on hand towels and ejaculating Elmo dolls (and I don't mean that in a dirty way--get a dictionary and expand your vocab, perv!). This puts them in the black, or ahead financially, thus Black Friday (although Michael "Kramer" Richards thought Black Friday was something else and is planning to yell at it and call it an n-word).

So here I am holding my place in line. Thank God it's supposed to be a gorgeous day. Possibly the 60's today and mid to high 50's tomorrow. Here's my shopping list for BF deals:

• $10 off a waffle maker for myself.
• The second season of the sitcom "Wings" on DVD (with commentary by Tony Shalhoub!) for $6 for my brother.
• A pink rayon sweater for $4 for Mom.
• A green rayon sweater for $5 for her husband.
• A second pink rayon sweater for $4 for my sister-in-law.
• A name brand DVD player for $15 for a friend.
• A case of Lean Cuisine frozen dinners for $10 for a friend.
• A hot dog cooker and bun toaster for $7 for a friend.
• The third season of "Monk" on DVD (with commentary by Tony Shalhoub!) for $10. Also for my brother.

Total Spent: $71
Total Savings: $50
Total time I will have spent in line and on shopping: 55 hours
Very lowball estimate of the value of my personal time: $50/hour * 55 hours = $2750
Adjusted Total Savings: $50 - $2750 = -$2700

Shit.