Yesterday I realized what an utter tool I am. I've spent much of the last 10 years feeling pretty good about myself and where my life is headed, but yesterday it all came crashing in around me when I was finally exposed for the fraud that I am. I know none of you will ever be able to see me in the same light after this, and I'll understand if you want to quit reading my blog, but I feel this is a sign that I need to tell everyone the truth--prior to today, I didn't own a USB flash drive. NO! Save your patronizing platitudes for the toddler with a skinned knee. He will never know the pain that I know. Flesh ripped from the bone cannot match the pain of a void in one's soul.It all started yesterday morning when one of my coworkers had kindly brought me a couple episodes he'd downloaded of "Heroes" and that I happened to have missed. The catch--he had them on his flash drive, our company's firewall blocks the software I use to remotely transfer files to my computer at home, and yes, I have no flash drive of my own onto which to put files. When he nonchalantly suggested I put them on MY flash drive to take them home, my cheeks burned, and bile rose into my throat. I had to tell him the truth. I fixed my gaze on the floor and barely whispered my reply. "But I don't have a flash drive." My coworker's jaw fell to the floor, and he fell silent. I could sense he felt ashamed to be near me. I broke into tears and ran to the men's room to cry in embarrassment alone.
Today I was compelled to finally buy one. It was $25, and I've already used it to bring some music home with me. But it's too little, too late. My public humiliation could have been prevented, but I was too reckless, too proud, and too cavalier. Now I know the type of social isolation that touches every generation. In the 70's, there were probably kids whose parents doggedly refused to give up their black and white television for a color model. In the 80's, it was the outcasts without Member's Only jackets (the very name alone screamed exclusion). In the 90's, it was kids without computers, and now in the 21st century, it's people who don't have iPods or flash drives.
Now I must ask that you please stop looking at me. You've never looked at me that way before, and I never want you to again.
8 comments (leave yours):
You read someone's blog and think you know them, then they post something like this...
I know I'm going to hear that a lot in the coming days, but it will be a knife in the heart every single time. There are no words. Should have sent a poet.
Hey, thanks for the laughs!
OMG Im shocked just shocked
Consider our friendship Null and Void! You Schmuck!
Matt, if my pain could cause one other human some joy, then it was worth it.
Ann, I know. Try to make it through. You can do it.
Miss E. I am saddened, but not surprised. Does that mean I can be a client now?
OMG What happened to the guy I knew from college that was the connoissuer of Tech! You have really let yourself go man. I am assamed to have went to the same learning establishment as you. This sort of thing is what prevents me from hanging out in public with you! So does this mean that you have an IPOD now also?
I'm afraid I still don't have an ipod, Willie. I can only overcome one life obstacle at a time.
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