Friday, August 18, 2006
Damage to The Maw
Bad news for the accordion-style plunger I've now decided should be referred to as The Maw. I noticed yesterday that The Maw is now bent such that the handle sits at a rather cockeyed 15 to 20 degree angle. Evidently some poor chap had himself a particularly brutal bowel movement, forcing him to put his whole torso into unplugging the toilet. The Maw is not designed to support half of a fullly grown man's body weight. It probably says so on the label inside the lip of the plunger, but I don't want to get my face close enough to read it.
I just gave birth to a 14 inch, 6 pound 4 ounce brown baby!
In the Army, they call that giving birth to a Sargeant!
I think I was the Sargeant…..I was the one doing all the yelling, grunting and groaning while the turd just tried to disobey my wishes for a clean exit!
You really should start a pooping blog. You could name it: Afterpoop, Poopglide or Afterpoopglide…and even better, you could make the logo brown, maybe infuse a little corn in there and have each post start with a brown cigar, curved in the shape of the letter.
This morning was a real doozy. I dropped the Cosby kids off at the pool, except Rudy was being particularly annoying. She just clung on and didn’t want to drop in the water….she’s gonna have to take swimming lessons so she isn’t so afraid!
Thanks for the afterpoop suggestion, but I already had a website about a decade ago that was devoted solely to poop and pooping. I have so many more disgusting thoughts to share that I couldn't possibly limit them to just shit! I want to talk about leaking, yeasty vaginas, pink socks, bag ladies peeing in public fountains, how annoying children and multiple dogs are, and how delicous pudding and multiple berries are.