Over the years, my friends and family have patiently endured many of my rants regarding conversations in the bathroom or talking to people who are using the bathroom. My stance is clear--don't. Even if it's just a number 1. Unless we're filming a porn scene and you're tickling my balls, I don't want you to talk to me while my dick is in my hand. And if it's a number 2, it is all the more egregious of an offense.
The evacuation of ones bowels or bladder is quiet time. These are sacred and spiritual moments in which we must contemplate our place in the universe and give thanks for the biological mechanics of our bodies. Talking to someone during this time is akin to shushing a child whispering a prayer before drifting off to sleep or defiling holy water with a used tampon. This is the one place in this world where God speaks directly to you, caresses your soul with his benevolent hand, and replenishes your spiritual juice box with cosmic grape juice.
The next time someone tries to talk to you while relieving yourself, just remind them, "I'm filling up my juice box in here!" then fling some poo at them.
2 comments (leave yours):
Now this is definetly a blog from a man 1) without kids or/and two never has lived with a significant other... I knew it was love when I could finally stand having a conversation about dinner as my BF sat on the toilet taking a BM and as the stench filled the air I said I love you ;)
I grew up in a household where my dad insisted on yelling conversations while either taking a shit or while we were trying to take a shit.
Scenario 1: Dad is taking a shit, door wide open, puffing away on a cigarette. You try to sneak by, but he spies you and traps you in a conversation in his cloud of shit-laced cigarette smoke.
Scenario 2: I go the upstairs bathroom to take a shit, as I'm not allowed to use the basement bathroom because I always plug it. Dad, watching tv in the basement, evidently gets lonely and begins shouting at me to instill conversation.
Scenario 3: I don't like talking while I'm shitting or talking to people who are shitting. Juice box, cosmos, blah de blah.
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