Monday, January 23, 2006
Jeremy interviews Jeremy
I had the pleasure of sitting down with Jeremy in a public restroom at the Mall of America after a series of vodka tonics followed by a variety platter from Long John Silver's.
Jeremy: I understand you've been working on some interesting projects lately. Tell me about a couple closest to your heart.
Jeremy: What? Who the fuck is out there? This stall is occupied, asshole!
Jeremy: (laughs) Always a jokester, Jeremy! Now about those projects...
Jeremy: What projects? Who's out there?
Jeremy: Well, for example, I heard you just signed a deal with Long John Silver's to--
Jeremy: Deal? The only thing I signed with LJS was my credit card slip. Goddammit, who IS THIS?
Jeremy: (chuckles) Are you on 24/7? If you don't want to talk about LJS, that's fine. But speaking of your credit card, I have a copy of your last statment here--
Jeremy: Whoa! Are you digging through my trash?
Jeremy: No, it was sitting on your desk at home, and I--
Jeremy: That's it! As soon as I pinch off my business up in here, I am calling the cops.
Jeremy: Now, hold on. You're the one who agreed to this interview. I'm just--
Jeremy: Interview? What are you smoking out there? I'm working out a fish-filled shit for fuck sake.
Jeremy: Hey! Now I don't do the gonzo, ambush thing. I just wanted to talk about your projects.
Jeremy: Fucking projects?? DUDE! What are you talking about?
Jeremy: Well surely you're working on some--
Jeremy: Like what? The 6 weeks of evenings I've spent organizing my 5 terrabytes of digital farm animal porn? The reproduction of the living room from Three's Company that I built in my basement? The harrassing phone calls I've been making to my neighbor's teenage daughter for the last 3 years? THOSE projects?
Jeremy: (stunned silence)
Jeremy: (unrolling toilet paper)
Jeremy: Umm...
Jeremy: You better pray to God you're not still standing out there by the time I buckle my belt.
Jeremy: I'm just doing my job.
Jeremy: (unrolling more toilet paper) So you're job is to ambush strangers in the public shitter?
Jeremy: Stranger? Jeremy, I am you. You are me. We are one in the same, my friend.
Jeremy: Whoa, that is some fucked up Tyler Durden shit right there.
Jeremy: Wanna see if we can go three-way on that girl at the watch repair kiosk?
Jeremy: (finishes wiping) Damn straight. Let's roll.
Jeremy: I understand you've been working on some interesting projects lately. Tell me about a couple closest to your heart.
Jeremy: What? Who the fuck is out there? This stall is occupied, asshole!
Jeremy: (laughs) Always a jokester, Jeremy! Now about those projects...
Jeremy: What projects? Who's out there?
Jeremy: Well, for example, I heard you just signed a deal with Long John Silver's to--
Jeremy: Deal? The only thing I signed with LJS was my credit card slip. Goddammit, who IS THIS?
Jeremy: (chuckles) Are you on 24/7? If you don't want to talk about LJS, that's fine. But speaking of your credit card, I have a copy of your last statment here--
Jeremy: Whoa! Are you digging through my trash?
Jeremy: No, it was sitting on your desk at home, and I--
Jeremy: That's it! As soon as I pinch off my business up in here, I am calling the cops.
Jeremy: Now, hold on. You're the one who agreed to this interview. I'm just--
Jeremy: Interview? What are you smoking out there? I'm working out a fish-filled shit for fuck sake.
Jeremy: Hey! Now I don't do the gonzo, ambush thing. I just wanted to talk about your projects.
Jeremy: Fucking projects?? DUDE! What are you talking about?
Jeremy: Well surely you're working on some--
Jeremy: Like what? The 6 weeks of evenings I've spent organizing my 5 terrabytes of digital farm animal porn? The reproduction of the living room from Three's Company that I built in my basement? The harrassing phone calls I've been making to my neighbor's teenage daughter for the last 3 years? THOSE projects?
Jeremy: (stunned silence)
Jeremy: (unrolling toilet paper)
Jeremy: Umm...
Jeremy: You better pray to God you're not still standing out there by the time I buckle my belt.
Jeremy: I'm just doing my job.
Jeremy: (unrolling more toilet paper) So you're job is to ambush strangers in the public shitter?
Jeremy: Stranger? Jeremy, I am you. You are me. We are one in the same, my friend.
Jeremy: Whoa, that is some fucked up Tyler Durden shit right there.
Jeremy: Wanna see if we can go three-way on that girl at the watch repair kiosk?
Jeremy: (finishes wiping) Damn straight. Let's roll.
Man, I got bored today at work and came across this, I haven't been by in a little while and man it made me laugh the shit right out of myself. Good thing there was a bathroom close by. Luckily everyone in the office just thought I was immitating the movie March of the Penquins as I walked through the department. Well I suppose I should get back to work but now I know where I will be going when I am trying to avoid anything that will make me think.
too funny!